FOUND: A sleep substitute in pill form

The ultrafinil, reanimaneptine, and hypercaffeinoids in this OTC med replace a full night's sleep

One of my favorite projects when I was an editor at Wired magazine was the monthly back-page item Found: Artifacts From the Future. Each installment was a full-page image of some found object from a speculative near future. All explanation of what the object was and how it worked had to be diegetic—i.e., the page had to explain itself entirely through context and in situ text, with no annotation or caption. This was a great challenge for me as a writer/editor and for all of the designers, illustrators, and photographers I had the pleasure of working with. These pages never made much of an impact online because the fun was always in the fine print—which rarely came through at web resolution. I’m republishing them here to drill down on those cool details.

This piece ran in the February 2003 issue of Wired. It was dreamed up during the Gulf War, when there were news reports that Marines and Air Force were being dosed with the stimulant Provigil/Modafinil to "enhance operational tempo" during lengthy combat operations. At the same time, Vicks, the makers of NyQuil, had just rolled out ZzzQuil, which mixed their old standby ingredient diphenhydramine with herbal sleep aids like melatonin.
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My boss wanted to show a package for some over-the-counter version of Provigil that was mass-marketed as a sleep replacement, like NoDoz®. “Take two and call it morning!” was the tagline he proposed. He tasked me with dreaming up the rest of the packaging, including the instructions and the ingredients and the medication warnings.

I remember that the editor-in-chief of the magazine was really tickled by the warning, “There’s never anything good on TV after 2 a.m.,” a line that only made sense in the pre-streaming era. The expiration date for this futuristic product was February 2009.

Full text from the product packaging below this close-up image of the bottles. The page scan I have crops out any info on the illustrator who designed the packaging, as well as the photographer who took the picture. Sorry!

Zzzylenol is a “time-released wakefulness promoter”

Extra Strength ZZZYLENOL® PM

“Take two and call it morning!"

Sleep Substitute Geltabs
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50 Geltabs
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​ACTIVE INGREDIENTS

Sleep Accelerants:

synthetic serotonin, melatonin, kava, valerian

Time-Released Wakefulness Promoters:

ultrafinil (alpha1-adrenergic agonist), reanimaneptine (dopamine blocker), hypercaffeinoids

DIRECTIONS

Take two tablets to replace a full night's sleep. (Sleep cycle is condensed to one to three hours.)

Not to exceed six tablets in 72 hours.

Safe with alcoholic beverages.

WARNINGS

*Do not use with caffeinated drinks or supplements.

*Exceeding recommended dosage may cause ongoing disruption of circadian rhythms, and can induce psychosis and damage endocrine and immune systems.

*Not for children under 16 - try Li’l Orachiever® Study Aid, now with 26% more Ritalin.

*There's never anything good on TV after 2 AM.

DO NOT USE if lid security alert sounds.
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​EXP: 02/09